Trailhead

A trail-head.

Marker set back from the road,

wood scarred by time and weather

and careless people.

It is not dawn

nor the appointed time for starting.

Perhaps we should just do this another day

for it took a while to find the way here, several wrong turns.

An adventure in and of itself.

Neither an end, nor a beginning.

Now the trail is clearer,

easy to see cresting the rise ahead

maybe we’ll walk a little and see where it goes?

There should be something of a “First Post” on this new blog. This “old” blog. Yet I am reluctant to make it much.

In the waning days of 2012, I found myself stumbling out of a broken marriage. I was determined to change my life. I put an offer in on a cabin in the forest and bought this domain. At that time I envisioned becoming a wild, independent woman who lived in and among the trees.

Fast forward nearly five years and my life has not turned out that way. Of course.

I live now with a wonderful man in the midst of a typical suburban housing tract that is part of the great Los Angeles sprawl, and whose only saving grace is that it buts up against the outskirts of the Cleveland National Forest (strangely a place located in Southern California). That, and it has a community hot tub and is near to a famous spa resort. I do love hot water.

We still spend time at that cabin in the woods, for it is my soul-home, but it is no longer my physical home for the day to day.

These days, my work, my family, my life is rather ordinary. There is a rhythm to my days and weeks. The time flies past caught in the wheels of the 8-5 cogs. After the 4 years of crisis after crisis that brought me here, it feel both good and stifling to be living a steady life.

I blogged irregularly over that time here, on this domain, but in my efforts to re-find myself after my divorce and to muddle my way through depression and then the loss of my father and resulting grief, it was never anything near coherent. Eventually I forgot about it and it nearly died.

In fact, it’s content did die. I didn’t pay for the hosting and it all faded away. I did not mourn it’s loss, in fact it felt freeing. I almost didn’t renew the name.

Then, it spoke to me. In the 11th hour, I annied up and bought the domain name again. This name is still very much me.

For another half a year I let it sit empty as space grew in me to create something new. Out of that space came the renewal of that original dream – to write about living in and among nature. To write about having adventures. To write about finding yourself in the forest.

So here we go. Different but the same. Me, but not who I was 5 years ago. Me of today. Clearer. Stronger.

This is not the end of the journey, this is not about where I have come from, it is about where I am going.

This is the trailhead. We step off, one foot in front of the other.

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